Updated: Jan 27, 2019
June 26, 2016 | Jen Hartnett-Orser
I've understandably preoccupied with a few little health things, NBD... Since being strapped to an IV and pumped full of antibiotics whilst fighting an infection, by body has gone into #slothmode
and friends....it's not a good look.
I've struggled with my weight in my adult years, which was a bit of a kick in the (rapidly expanding) ass after growing up as a skinny kid. Suddenly having to watch everything I eat, and work out all the time = total bummer.
So oftentimes, I don't. well...yoga, yes, but not a bone crushing workout at a gym, or god forbid, RUNNING..... Forrest Gump I ain't!!!
For quite a few years, this would incite a cycle of self deprecation, shame, guilt, and depression/anxiety, along with the regular day to day stress of raising a family, having a job, and being in a relationship.
I found I could calm myself with FOOD....glorious food. Now, I have always prided myself on being someone who doesn't use alcohol or drugs to 'cope' with a bad day (except for those few months when my eldest was in the throes of adolescent mania - that was a thing) yet would think nothing of putting myself into a legitimate 'Food Coma' by ingesting high fat/sugar/carb foods until I felt all warm and fuzzy.
Food = Anesthetic And who was I hurting? I wasn't drunk, or high, and was just using 'comfort foods' to deal with a bad day/week/month/year...
Through a series of MASSIVE changes, I was able to lose a large amount of weight, and found myself at my smallest size in years, and yet, I still struggled with anxiety and panic when I tried to dress myself to go out....looking back I realize that I could have been a size 0 and still a mess mentally.
Over the past few years, I have been able to work through this, and generally catch myself before this cycle goes into overdrive...not to mention, cutting out the majority of the self-hatred that was fuelling this fire.
I've realized after much tribulation that I can either LOVE or HATE myself at ANY SIZE. So I choose to LOVE!!!!!!
Size 10? Awesome! Size 16...still awesome!!
This has enabled me to let go of the majority of the harmful coping techniques I had been using (Mainly using food as anesthetic) AND....I sure as hell ain't perfect! I also took the focus off of the scale, as well as making foods 'good' or 'bad' If I want to have a treat, I have one, and I endeavour to eat whole foods as much as possible.
Lately, as I mentioned, I've been limited both by physically and by fatigue....the latter also being a huge factor in my ability to even contemplate exercising. Plus, I've been too tired to put in the effort to do my usual meal prep etc.. I've been eating 'whatever' and allowing convenience/cravings/desperation dictate how I'm fuelling my body. ugh.
so...CHANGE IS A COMING!!!!! Not because I feel I need to be a specific weight or size, (those ARE ways to measure, but not something I want to attach tightly to) but because I need to get back into a routine of healthy and mindful eating, because it is a respectful way to treat my body!
I have committed to:
NO refined sugar
Breakfast EVERY DAY
Bulletproof coffee EVERY DAY
Supplements EVERY DAY
WATER....at least 60oz/day - this is a HUGE struggle for me
Fresh Fruit -EVERY DAY!
NO grains for the time being...playing this by ear...I may add in brown rice in future, and/or if I feel like I'm needing it.